It’s been a long time since I posted here. 2023 was a busy/hard year for my household. In previous posts, I had explained that my husband and I had started a new business for breeding reptiles, Wild Roots Reptiles. This quickly took up the majority of my time and did not leave any extra for reading, posting, or even having much of a life at all.
As the year carried on, mental health took a hard decline for my husband, which also affected mine as well. Somewhere along the road, I lost my best friend to depression and alcohol and I never got him back. In December, he took his life; transferring his pain and suffering over to me. Something I knew he would have never wanted to do if he could have avoided it. I accepted it with a shattered heart.
Widowhood is a life that I would never wish on anyone. It’s a struggle that you were never prepared for, and there’s no manual on how to work through the Rollercoaster of emotions or how to keep moving forward. But I found in myself a strength I never knew was there and a determination to find joy again. Somehow… someway… finding my new normal.
And so began my Living Life tour.
I began taking myself to dinner and buying my own flowers. I started having girls night every other month and even hosted a poker night. I started on a sleave tattoo, went to a rock concert, a classic car show, and even a couple quick road trips to Montana. I have spent a lot of time with my family and friends who have been there for me through this entire time. Grief takes a village to navigate and you never get through it, you just learn to absorb it into your life. It becomes a part of you.
After a few months, I began cooking and reading books again. Soon, I hope to start writing reviews and posting. Starting here with this one.
Life is still hard, having to manage a household by yourself. I have had to sell off a large portion of the animals, as difficult as that decision was, but I still want to keep Wild Roots going in some capacity. Have had to learn how to fix things myself and ask for help when I can’t. That’s harder to do, I think.
Month after month, I learn more about who I am and what I’m made of. I have slowly put the pieces of my shattered heart back together. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have days that bring me to knees, but I make the choice to stand back up every time. I am eternally grateful for the life and love I had with him for so many years. I will never forget my past but I have a future, one that I am looking forward to, and I will give it my all to make it the best I can.
For anyone that feels like they are alone and don’t think they can keep going, please stay. You are needed here. I know that it feels hopeless and that no one could possibly understand what you are going through, but you would be surprised by how many of us are out there and how many people are more than willing to listen. We have so many options available now, don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for help.
